Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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