we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My feet surprised me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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