if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
