awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're like the curious george of whores
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
