I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
