the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
