ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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