the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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