Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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