My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
