quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sarcasm needs its own font
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
