Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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