I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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