we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
