Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
