"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize