Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
