i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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