it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize