If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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