Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
