Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
