I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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