I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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