im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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