Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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