i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
