Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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