dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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