if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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