i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You have to summon your inner elephant
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i believe in u and ur pee
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
