he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
