I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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