FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
