Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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