This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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