a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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