The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
