Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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