...so i touched it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
