it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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