I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize