I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize