i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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