You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
