I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These tits shall not be calmed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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