i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
