i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
