Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
