He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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