i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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