You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
