you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
