i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
