I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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