dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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