He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
