Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
3 2 1 whiskey
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
