I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
