So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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