Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
