I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
