Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
