I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Come on in and take your pants off
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