I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
