I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
