I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
