What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
