Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
