broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
