I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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