Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
