Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize