This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
