i think my tv is drunk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
