Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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