She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
