I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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