We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize