dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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