I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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