Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
