did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
