Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
