from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
