Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
