So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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