last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
