We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dick very happy bro
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
