That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
