i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
