She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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