Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
