My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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