Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
