K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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