She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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