I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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