Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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