Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
