I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im six kinds of drunk right now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
