Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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