what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
