Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
